You don t talk to him that way
by Penny Charlotte Brown
Summary: Mike has turned into 17 again and has decided to go to high school to play basket ball as "Mark", but after discovering that his children have problems, he abandons basketball and decides to help Alex and Maggie. And that opportunity offers itself at the school cafeteria, when Stan comes to bully Alex...and Mark stands up for him.


This scene is one of my favourite, but unfortunately, part of it was deleted from the actual movie. That´s why I want to include it here. The scene starts after Mark (Mike) helps his son Alex untie the tape, and they head for lunch…

Gosh, how I laughed!

You don´t talk to him that way

"So, how come we´ve never met?" Stan asked Mark while they were walking towards a table in the school cafeteria, carrying their lunches.

"My mum didn´t want anyone to know she had a kid with Ned."

"That makes sense"

"Yeah." Mark agreed. But what he really wanted was to stick together "Since we´re practically family, and all, my dad says we should just keep an eye on each other, you know"

"Oh, yeah, why not. Next time get there before they tape into the toilet" Alex said and sat down on a empty table.

"I got it" Mark joined him. Taking off his jacket.

"This is good"

Mark and Alex started eating their lunch, but Alex seemed distracted. He was looking further away, pass Mark. He had his eyes fixed to a certain girl.

"Who´s there?" Mark turned around.

"Ooh, Nicole"

"You two going out?"

"No, no she´s the…the head cheerleader. …she would never go out with me"

"You know, Alex, when I first met your mother I was so nervous…" he wanted to give his son a little bit of confidence. He was so concentrated on being his father, that for awhile he forgot his young appearance… that is, until Alex interrupted him.

"You met my mother?"

"What?" he was surprised by the question.

"You met my mother?"

"Yeah…" just then he realized that he was in his 17 year old body, again.

"You just said "the first time I met your mother I was…""

"I did?"

"Yeah"

"Oh, that´s weird." he tried to fix his mistake and act like a teen should " Is your mum hot?"

"Dude"

The way Alex looked at him. Ok, well…yeah, guess he forgot that maybe a teenager wouldn´t consider Scarlet "hot" since she was 37 years old. Being a teenager was more difficult than Mark remembered.

" I was just joking, dude…"

Then Stan appeared with his football mates.

"Stan, I hate that guy" Alex told Mark.

They were walking as if they owned the place, pumping into a boy. Stan took his bread from his plate, as was not unusual for him. Stuffing the bread into his mouth like someone without any prober eating habits. What a jerk.

"Is that the guy who taped you to the toilet?"

Both Alex and Mark watched as Stan walked by…

"Yeah. Only yesterday he shut me into the washing machine at my own house."

"What was that he was doing at your house?!"

"He´s Maggie's boyfriend"

"Maggie has a boyfriend?" How come she didn´t mention it to him? To her own father? And why choose Stan, from all the guys in her school? The same one, who bullied her own brother?!" Well, I´m very disappointed in your sister. "

It was infuriating seeing his own daughter kissing that douche bag. And he didn´t fear showing it. He just kept on staring at Stan.

"He´s looking. Don´t make an eye contact, he´s kind of tempered. he´s…you´re looking..stop it stop it stop it stop it"

But Alex´s warnings were already too late, because Stan was standing right next to Alex, "Hey twinkle douche, If I had wanted you in the cafeteria, I would have taped you to a lunch lady " hitting Alex´s head with his ball.

Mark stood up. That was enough " you little punk. You don´t talk to him that way."

"Oh, yeah? "Stan slammed his ball onto the table. "What are you going to do?"

The cafeteria became all quiet. Everyone was looking and waiting for Mark´s move. Everybody probably thought that Mark was just asking for trouble, everybody knew that Stan was a bully with a short temperament. But Mark was no fool. Nor coward. He stood up against him.

"What I´m gonna do?" he walked away from the table " first, I´m gonna call your father."

That was it? Everybody thought and laughed.

Stan just smiled "is that the best you can do?" he thought and threw his ball at Mark. He was going to teach him a lesson. But for his surprise Mark cached it. And the laughter stopped.

"Give me my ball back, bitch."

"You know, Stan. I feel sorry for you."

He started to play with it, showing how he could handle the ball. He was quite good at it.

"You don´t know me"

"Oh, but I do. All too well."

Mark stole the whole show. He started to walk around Stan playing with his ball. Stan just stood still while Mark was analysing him "You´re the man, captain of the basketball team, dates the pretty girls; high school is your kingdom,"

Then he turned toward the crowd " but people, Stan´s a bully. And why?"

Everyone knew that Mark had an answer for that.

"It would be way easy to say Stan phrase in the weeds simply because he is a dick."

"Oohh…" This was getting interesting.

"No, no. Stan here is much more complex than that. According to leading psychiatrists Stan is a bully for one of the three reasons." Mark rotated the ball with his three fingers.

" One" he then changed and rotated the ball with only one of his fingers, after which he showed his best moves "underneath all that male bravado there´s an insecure little girl just banging on the closet door trying to get out."

Everyone laughed. Especially Alex was. He was happy he had finally found a true friend.

" Two, like a caveman, Stan´s brain is underdeveloped, therefore Stan is unable to use self-control, and so he acts and shouts so aggressively.

"Heh heh!"

"And the third reason;" Mark now changed into rotating the ball with his little finger "Stan has a small wiener." everybody just burst into laughter.

"In my opinion, it´s all the three reasons." then Mark came towards Stan while playing with his ball. By this time everybody knew how excellent Mark was at playing basket ball, way better than Stan, who was-after all- the captain of the basket ball team.

All of a sudden Mark was about to hit Stan with the ball, so that Stan got startled. But that was just a trick, Mark really wasn´t planning on hitting Stan.

"Don´t hurt yourself, big boy" and gave his ball back, and smiled.

Then Mark started to walk away. He knew that this wasn´t over just yet. So, in his head he counted.

"Three"

"Two"

"One"

At that moment Mark ducked, because he knew that Stan was going to throw the ball at him. Which he did, but he missed. Instead the ball hit a teacher´s plate right behind Mark…

A moment of silence reigned the room. Everybody was just held back their breath as they watched the teacher. They could see how her anger burst out…

"Stan! two weeks detention!"

Mark smiled. "Got that douche back."


End file.
